


The Most Beautiful Lie

by LateStarter58



Series: Dr Lawson's Casebook: the Tom & Ellie stories [2]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Reconciliation, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 12:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17001576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStarter58/pseuds/LateStarter58
Summary: Tom and Ellie have found each other again, and he hopes she can learn to trust him after all these years. But the world is a complicated place, as is the human mind...





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to The Mistakes of a Night. I am very fond of Ellie; she has much of my own early life in her biography, and I feel I understand her well. She always seems to be crying in these stories, but she laughs a lot too!

_She was back on that familiar hillside again, but everything else seemed different. It was dark, really dark, with menacing clouds scudding across the sky. The figure on the horizon was changed too. It was the same but not the same. She had no desire to climb, and even if she had, something strong was holding her back._

Ellie felt herself floating to the surface, up from the depths towards consciousness. Little of the dream remained with her beyond an uneasiness and the strong arms around her waist. Those were real, and so was the voice in her ear.

‘Ssshh, it’s OK, Ellie.’

She must have been making a noise because Tom was soothing her, rubbing her stomach gently.

‘It’s just a dream, darling.’

Ellie snuggled back into him. She hadn’t told him, but this wasn’t the first time the nightmare had visited recently.

‘It was _the_ dream, the bad one I used to have.’ Tom sucked in a deep breath. ‘But it’s OK, because you were with me, holding me. I was safe.’

He kissed her neck and she reached behind her to caress him. None of the painful emotions the dream used to leave her with were there. Those were in her past now, she hoped. But there was a vague discomfort. Ellie thought she must be missing something, but she had no idea what.

The dream aside, all of Ellie’s mornings started like this now, in Tom’s arms. She was immeasurably happy; the world she inhabited had changed beyond recognition. From the first night they were together, Ellie had emerged like a butterfly from a cocoon. She had not realised it, but for the last fourteen years she had been experiencing life through a veil. Everything now looked brighter, sounded clearer, tasted better, felt more real. She had been depressed for all that time but had chosen to ignore the fact. Now she savoured every moment of life with Tom.

From the moment she woke, feeling his body against hers, his smell mingling with her own, she was wonderfully aware of him. After so long in the fog of her depression, every waking moment became a sensual feast for her. The feel of his skin, his stubble against her arm, the touch of his lips, the sight of his body, the ever-changing colour of his eyes, the sound of his voice; she relished them all. Even his singing in the shower delighted her. And the change was not restricted to her appreciation of Tom. Music had returned to her, a joy and a consolation in all but the very worst of times, she had missed its company. And now it was as if she was hearing everything anew. She felt that she had returned to the world for the first time since that terrible night she had fled the theatre in Cambridge. Everything was fine, as long as she was in his arms.

Tom had realised when he saw Ellie again that he still felt the connection he had when they were in the amateur dramatic club together. When he learnt that she had loved him all this time, but had believed he had treated her callously, he was devastated. Once he understood what had happened and was able to tell her the truth, everything had changed for Ellie. And, he had begun to discover, for him too. They were able to embark on the relationship they could have had fourteen years earlier. As soon as they did, he was slightly alarmed to find himself falling deeply in love. They had been spending most of their time together, and Tom had realised that Ellie was everything he had been looking for in a partner. She was clever, determined, independent, funny, and very beautiful. He tried to think of reasons to pull back, to slow things down, but he couldn’t find any.

If she had allowed herself to feel it, Ellie might have been anxious about starting a sexual relationship with Tom. She had not been with anyone since her boyfriend Duncan eight years before. Over the years, when she had thought about Tom, what crept into her thoughts were not sexual fantasies, rather they were fragments of memory from the times they had been close. The way the back of his hair felt when she touched it; the bones of his hips pressing into her; the smell of his neck; his hands; the way his thighs filled his jeans. So when the time came she had simply asked Tom to take her to bed that first night. They had undressed each other slowly, deliberately, not wanting to rush after such a long wait. For his part, Tom found that everything about her turned him on, from the way she pursed her lips when she concentrated to the way her hips moved when she walked. Their lovemaking was beyond anything that either of them had experienced before, mainly because there was more than just a mutual desire. They couldn’t get enough of each other and Ellie’s life turned almost overnight from a nightmare into a dream. The change in her was visible to all, and she felt she might finally be becoming the woman she should have been all along.

Glancing at the bedside clock a little later, Ellie realised that in less than an hour Tom’s car would be picking him up. She nudged him and he reluctantly made his way to the bathroom. Ellie got up and prepared breakfast. Coffee brewed, oranges squeezed and toast made they settled down at the kitchen counter.

‘Penny for them?’

‘I was just wondering why the dream came back. I can’t think who that was on the hill this time. _You_ were most definitely with _me_ , anyway.’

Ellie had described her old bad dreams to Tom when, over many painful but cathartic conversations he had persuaded her to tell him everything she had been through. It hurt him to hear it, but he felt that they needed to be 100% clear with one another from now on. No secrets, no more misunderstandings, although of course, that is easier said than done. He cried sometimes when he thought about what she had suffered, and although he knew rationally that it wasn’t his fault, he felt terribly guilty. What upset him the most was a nagging feeling that if he had only tried harder, he could have found her at Cambridge, or at any point in the time after. She had been just an internet search away. He was worried that the dream had returned.

‘Is something bothering you? Please tell me if there is.’

He reached across the kitchen counter and touched her arm.

‘No, no, I don’t think so. Not sure what this is about.’

Ellie wasn’t being entirely honest. She was still struggling to adjust to her new situation, and she sometimes feared her new happiness might disappear as suddenly as it had arrived. But she didn’t say anything, just returned his touch and crunched her toast happily. Then she remembered she was having lunch with her oldest friend and her smile died.

‘What is it darling?’

‘Just remembered my lunch date. I’m not sure what I’m going to say to Tilly.’

Jane Tillett had been her rock, the only close friend she had through all the years she pined for Tom. In the course of getting together with him, it had been revealed that Tilly had kept something secret from her, something which could have changed things. Tom had bumped into her in Cambridge, soon after the night Ellie saw him having sex with another girl, and had asked her to give Ellie a message. Her friend had refused, and she had never told Ellie about it. If she had, Ellie might not have spent so long believing that Tom didn’t give a damn about her. It was that belief which had been the basis of her deep unhappiness, and she was struggling to come to terms with Tilly’s actions. This was to be their first actual meeting since the revelation nearly eight weeks earlier.

‘She did it for the right reasons, Ellie. I know she was wrong, but she meant well. She thought she was protecting you.’

Tom was right, Ellie knew that, but still she felt the anger rising in her chest. What made it so difficult was the way it stirred up these deep negative emotions, the ones she had battled for so long and which she hoped to put behind her. That was why she had invited Tilly to meet her today: she wanted to clear the air. Most of all, she wanted to forgive her oldest friend and move on. She only hoped she could.

_Perhaps that’s why I’m having the dream…_

Tom was filming, but Ellie had a free day, so she took her time getting showered and dressed. Looking in the bathroom mirror, she hardly recognised the person looking back at her. She seemed younger than just a couple of months earlier, with a ready smile which reached her green eyes. Her skin glowed, her dark blonde hair shone. Her diet was better and she was drinking less, but the real reason for the transformation was the revolution in her circumstances. Occasionally, catching sight of her reflection, she would find laughter bubbling up and she would do a little dance. But more often, seeing herself out of the corner of her eye she would worry that once Tom had a chance to think, he might change his mind about her. She was no movie star. They had spent many happy hours together, but he never spoke about the future. What would happen after Christmas, when she went back to her job and he left for the US to do his next film?

Ellie took the opportunity to catch up on laundry and housework. After a few minutes of dithering, she put a Frank Sinatra CD in the player. Music was Ellie’s main mind-altering substance of choice these days. Growing up in a house full of it, she had learned to use it to shore up a good mood or occasionally as a consolation. When the darkest times came, she knew them by the lack of any music in her life; some things even Mozart can’t help you with.

Dancing around the flat, dusting and tidying as she went, she thought about her Mum and Dad, as she often did when music was playing. How she wished they could have met Tom! They would have loved him too, she was sure. The fact that his grandfather ran the Aldeburgh Festival would have been enough. They had taken her up the A12 to Snape every year. Ellie had spent many an hour in concert halls in Suffolk and London from an early age. She had resented it at the time, but now she was profoundly grateful for the grounding she had been given in music. It allowed her to enjoy a wide range of genres and it had led to an interest in many other aspects of the Arts. She loved everything from Debussy to Daft Punk, Beethoven and Bach to the Beatles, Adele to Verdi. She and Tom didn’t see eye-to-eye about _all_ music, but they both had pretty catholic tastes. He needed some convincing that Bach could be sexy, but she was slowly winning that argument.

The morning passed too quickly for her, and soon it was time to head to Drummond Street, where she was meeting Tilly. Ellie had suggested they go to their favourite Guajarati vegetarian place, one they had lunched in at least once a fortnight for years. She had taken Tom there several times already, and he was amazed by the food, so unlike the standard British curry-house fare. The restaurant was popular with medics from University College Hospital, especially the students as the buffet lunch was a real bargain. It was not at all unusual to hear hospital pagers going off while you queued for your food.

As Ellie turned the corner, she spotted Tilly waiting outside, hopping from one foot to the other and hugging herself. The December air was cold, but Ellie suspected her discomfort was more psychological. She crossed the street and approached her friend, feeling as nervous as Tilly looked. When their eyes met, they both began to tear up. Any remaining anger left Ellie and she spread her arms.

‘Oh Ell, I’m so sorry. I was wrong, can you ever forgive me?’

They hugged closely. Ellie wasn’t sure she was ready to answer that yet, but she knew she didn’t want to lose her friend.

‘Let’s get inside, I’m starving!’

Tilly noticed the side-step, but didn’t pursue it. They were shown to a table by their favourite water, who had greeted them like old friends.

‘No gentleman today, Dr Lawson?’ He winked at Ellie, who blushed a little.

‘So, you’ve been here with Tom then?’

‘A few times, it’s my favourite and so nearby. We’ve had takeaways as well. He loves it.’

Tilly looked at her dearest friend. Her eyes were bright and she exuded happiness from every pore. She felt her heart swell; it was so wonderful to see the transformation. 

‘So, tell me, Til, how are things at work?’

Tilly grinned. ‘Same old same old. Everyone is hoping you’ll bring Tom to the Med School Christmas party.’

‘Oh shit! I had forgotten about that. I’m not sure if he’s free.’

She reached into her bag and brought out her phone.

‘I’ll text him now. What day is it?’

‘Thursday. Oh I hope he can, Ellie. I’d love to see you dancing with him.’

Ellie finished texting and smiled at her. It was a delicious thought. She wanted to introduce Tom to the people she worked with. Before he had come back into her life, those people had been her substitute family. An only child, Ellie had been alone since her parents had died while she was in her teens. Until recently, she had no real life away from her job so these people meant a great deal to her, and she was very fond of some of them.

‘Hang on, what do you mean, dancing?’

‘Didn’t you read the email? It was months ago. Patrick has booked that little jazz quartet again.’

Ellie rolled her eyes. She liked the band but the younger staff got rather grumpy last year; they would have preferred a DJ. Her phone buzzed. She looked at it and smiled.

  * **_Sounds wonderful. Nothing on that night. How’s it going?_**



‘Looks like he’ll be coming. So, shall we get some food?’’

‘Excellent idea.’

Many of those in the queue were current or former students of the two women, who were both lecturers at UCL, so there were many greetings and hugs. It was great for Ellie to reacquaint herself with medical school life. There was a certain amount of nudging and whispering which she knew must be down to her new-found fame.  After the friends had filled their plates with a selection of food, they settled back into the booth. Tilly wondered how she would be received by Tom on Thursday. She felt terrible about what she now recognised was a mistake, but she was wise enough to see that she could not have known that at the time. She just hoped he felt the same.

‘So, Ellie, tell me: what’s your new life like?’

‘Where to start? It’s as if I used to be two people: the work me, all efficient and getting stuff done, and the other me, the one who barely functioned at all. I used to go home some days and just sit in the dark. Not eating or anything.’

Her friend’s head shot up and she frowned.

‘I didn’t tell you, Til, because I didn’t want you to worry. That was why I got Mitch, you know, so I had to be there for someone else.’

Tilly had helped Ellie choose her cat from a local rescue centre. He wasn’t well, nor was he young, and she didn’t have him for long. He had died three months before Tom arrived on the scene.

‘But now, I feel as if I’m one person. My life isn’t about pretending to be OK in public anymore. I _am_ OK, more than OK! Oops!’

 ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Nothing, I just realised I forgot to reply to Tom’s text.’

She did so, giving him a non-committal answer. Truth was she wasn’t sure how it was going. What had happened between them, the angry phone call from Ellie demanding an explanation from Tilly when she discovered what had happened in Cambridge, those things hadn’t been dealt with as yet. They could wait; she just wanted to get back on an even keel for now. Tilly was concentrating on her lunch, and thrilling in her friend’s happiness. She swallowed another mouthful then looked up again.

‘What I _really_ meant was what is like, being with Tom?’

Ellie raised an eyebrow.

‘What do you think? He’s the reason I feel like this. He makes me so happy, Tilly. I never would have believed that he of all people could do this for me.’

‘I know it’s because of _him_ , Ell, I’m not a complete idiot.’

Tilly frowned impatiently at her friend, who laughed.

‘I _mean_ , what is it like being a movie-star’s girlfriend, and looking at that bod every day?’

Ellie didn’t say anything, but her broad grin was answer enough.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie has been making up for lost time

For the moment, Ellie was still on leave from her job as a lecturer and researcher in microbiology at UCL while she acted as an advisor on Tom’s current film, _Superbug_. The momentous few days at the start of filming in October when they had met again, misunderstood one another, and finally been reconciled seemed like so long ago, but it was only a matter of weeks. Now shooting was almost complete, and after Christmas, she would be resuming her academic career. She had not neglected her work entirely during this time, however; she had on-going research as well as her PhD students to supervise. She was looking forward to getting back to teaching, but it wasn’t going to be without complications.

On the night they finally got together, rekindling their student romance over pizza and wine, they had agreed to keep it quiet. At that stage only two others knew about it: the scriptwriter and his husband who were the ones who had intervened and made it happen. They knew they could rely on Rob and Phil to be discreet. Ellie and Tom had decided that they would always go home in time for the cars to collect them, annoying and uncomfortable though that might be on occasion. They arrived separately at locations, and rarely spoke on set. Her years of practise in hiding her true feelings came in handy, but Tom, the professional actor, gave himself away almost immediately. He couldn’t help it. He regretted their estrangement, the hurt he had caused her unwittingly, and most of all the years they had wasted. His eyes never left her; whenever he wasn’t working, if they were in the same room, he gazed at her with undisguised longing.

Everyone noticed. Derek Jacobi, Tom’s co-star in the film, took Ellie aside on the set.

‘I’ve never seen a man more besotted, my dear.’

Shaking her head, she put her finger to her lips, blushing. Derek chuckled kindly.

‘That ship has sailed, I’m afraid. It’s written all over his face.’

Things came to head at the end of that week when Paul the director asked Tom if he could save money out of their tight budget by cancelling one car and driver. Tom was embarrassed but he understood the reasoning. However, it wasn’t a straightforward decision; if he and Ellie were spotted arriving on set in the same vehicle their secret would soon get out. So far, nothing had leaked beyond the production, and he knew that when it did, all hell would break loose. He wasn’t concerned on his own behalf, but things were in the early stages between them, and he was very aware that she was still vulnerable. The last thing he wanted to do was jeopardise their relationship or hurt her any more. He asked for a few days to think it over, and Paul agreed.

As it happened, the decision was taken out of everyone’s hands. Tom had a phone call from his publicist Luke on the Saturday evening to say that a story had appeared online about him and an old girlfriend from university. Tom was horrified; obviously someone from the production had let it slip. It was disappointing, but they had to deal with it and they did. With Ellie’s agreement he issued a brief statement through Luke requesting privacy, and Tom tweeted a not-very-cryptic message:

**‘Taken. #sorryladies’**

The subsequent storm had been ridden out, but Ellie knew that things would get harder once she left the comparative safety of the production. She would be under scrutiny at work as never before. She had not been an unknown after all, she was a successful researcher who had appeared on TV and radio, but this was something else altogether. The online world was not a big factor for her, as she had mostly avoided it anyway. There was far too much about Tom on Facebook and Tumblr for her to go anywhere near them in her old life. However, University College, the Medical School and the Microbiology department had been inundated with emails and post for her, most of it friendly, some of it definitely not. UCL and Ellie politely refused all requests for interviews, but she felt guilty about the extra burden of work her new-found notoriety had given the admin staff. Tom offered to get his agents to deal with it but it was mixed in with Ellie’s legitimate professional correspondence so it still needed to be sorted first. The hardest aspect of it all for her to handle was the replacement of her public status as a respected scientist judged on her ability to do her job with that of celebrity girlfriend, judged by her appearance. She hated that, but Ellie had to admit to herself that being with Tom made it bearable.

Once a week or so for the past month Ellie had collected a box of post from UCL, or a colleague had dropped it off. She religiously opened everything, and read at least part of the letters. There were gifts, pictures, cuddly toys, a whole variety of things. A few were lovely messages wishing her well. The overwhelming majority comprised presents for Tom, or requests for Tom to sign photos or drawings. There were a few with questions about him which she wouldn’t dream of answering. And then there were the other things. Tom had warned her that this would probably happen, but it was difficult to handle the sheer venom. One or two contained threats, and after discussing it with him, she referred them to the police, just to be sure. The language was incoherent, so the authors were probably unwell and not an actual physical threat, but still, it was unnerving. And a few of the hostile letters echoed her own thoughts.

_I don’t deserve him._

One good thing about her changed circumstances was the opportunity, so long denied to her, for Ellie to watch Tom’s films. He gave her a full set on DVD and Blu Ray, and she spent many pleasant hours acquainting herself with the sheer breadth of his acting ability. She was fascinated to find that she didn’t like him much, if at all, in some of his roles. When he acted he was so unlike her lover, the man she adored with every fibre of her being that she marvelled at his abilities. She sometimes barely recognised Tom at all, so complete was his transformation.

She had an eclectic taste in cinema, as her existing DVD collection attested, and she had enjoyed everything, even the excruciating discomfort of the Joanna Hogg films. While she watched, Tom would sometimes potter in the kitchen or sit across from her emailing or texting, but usually he sat next to her, trying to resist the temptation to watch her reactions. Ellie began to get mildly irritated because she could usually tell when a crucial moment was approaching: he would tense up and look at her sideways. But she forgave him, and his delight in her pleasure was a reward in itself. He suggested that she save the Marvel movies until last and watch them one after the other. Ellie was well aware that Tom’s worldwide fame was mainly due to his success in portraying Loki, and she was excited to see what all the fuss was about. Up until then they had been watching only one or two films a week. This was in part because Ellie wanted to consider each performance carefully, but mainly because they both had work to do on some evenings. In any case she and Tom did not want to spend all their time together in front of a screen. But for these films, she made an exception: the plan was to watch them on successive days, and popcorn was duly purchased.

Ellie enjoyed _Thor_ enormously. Loki was sad and vulnerable, and she identified with him to a degree, finding the end of the film hard to watch. She did not like his pride and cruelty, but she was overwhelmed by the quality of Tom’s work. She couldn’t recall such a high standard of acting in this genre of film before, but then again, it _was_ Branagh. As for _Avengers Assemble,_ she found that altogether harder to deal with. The new, more damaged Loki alarmed her. She found it unsettling to see flashes of Tom in him, when he allowed his vulnerability to slip through. But the very Whedonness of it she adored. A Buffy and Firefly fan of long standing, she was hugely jealous that Tom had even met Joss, let alone worked with him. Her emotional responses notwithstanding, Ellie thought both films were superb. 

When she sat down to watch it, she was rather apprehensive about _Thor: The Dark World_. From what she had heard, Loki was not in it much and it didn’t end well for him. Tears were followed by cheers when she discovered the full truth. Clapping her hands and squealing like a child, she turned to embrace Tom and congratulate him on his work. For several days afterwards the films filled her thoughts at odd times, and she would occasionally laugh out loud when she remembered funny lines and moments. But more often she found her mind turning to Loki’s story and Tom’s portrayal. What had happened to Loki in the abyss? Where was Odin? She could see the attraction of Loki, especially to anyone steeped in the comic universe, but it bothered her that Tom’s global success was based on this character in particular. He was in so many ways the polar opposite of the man she knew. Ellie resolved to watch the films a few more times, to get to grips with the puzzle.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is looming, and Ellie realises she has to up her shopping game. Tom, of course, has it covered...

Christmas was less than ten days away, and Ellie felt very strange. Ever since her parents had died one quite quickly after the other when she was still at school, the festive season had been an ordeal. Nothing makes you feel more alone in the world than a family festival when you have no family. In her teens, well-meaning relations or friends had invited her to stay for the duration, and she had experienced a different set of traditions every year. The best time she had was in her early twenties when she was with her fellow junior doctors, sharing a house. Working in a hospital at that time of year is a bitter-sweet experience, but it helped distract Ellie from the stark truth of her loss. And everyone else was away from their families, so they all made do with each other. After that, Ellie had lived alone and most years she had made her own traditions, which became mainly eating what she liked best (Indian takeaways, mostly) and watching all her favourite films.

This year was going to be very different. For the first time since she was a child, she was really looking forward to it. Tom had announced a week ago that his mother wanted Ellie to come to her house with him, and she realised that she had an entire family to buy presents for all of a sudden. This was a new experience. She hadn’t bought anyone a present for years apart from Tilly and more recently, her husband John, unless you included the department ‘Secret Santa’ gifts. Apart from Tom himself (she had _no idea_ what to get for him) there were his parents and sisters, and a brother-in-law and a baby…

_What if I fuck this up royally? They might all hate me…_

As she sat in the flat after her lunch with Tilly, she decided she had better make a list, and as she began to write it she suddenly remembered her new friends from the film production, in particular, Rob and Phil. They had been her knights in shining armour, so they _had_ to be included. Ellie started flicking through the gift catalogues she had found amongst her post and in newspapers and magazines. Very little appealed, and nothing seemed right for anyone on her list. She was still trying to find inspiration when Tom came in. Moving a pile of discarded leaflets he sat down beside her.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Trying to decide what to get people for Christmas. I’m so out of practise. It’s a nightmare!’

‘Don’t be daft. Look, we can give my lot presents from us both. I know what they like. I’ve already got Dad’s.’

He put his arm around her and pulled her to him, kissing her gently on the temple.

‘Do you think that would be alright? I haven’t met them yet, so I suppose…’

‘Of course! Now, let me see that…’

Tom pulled the list from her grasp and looked at it, frowning.

He chuckled.

‘There are only names on here. You weren’t kidding!’

Ellie shrugged.

‘The only people I’ve bought pressies for in years are Tilly and John. I thought I’d look for a nice picture for their flat this year, as well as something like a scarf for him and jewellery for her.’

‘See? You _are_ good at this; you just need to expand it to others… Now, what about me?’

Ellie shoved him in the chest as he tried to get away from her, roaring with laughter again.

‘You don’t need a present, you’ve already got me!’

He grinned wickedly at her from across the room.

‘Can I unwrap you now then?’

Later after they had eaten and were settled on the sofa, her legs across his lap while he went through his lines for the next day, Ellie looked at him. What was she going to give him for Christmas?  How could she show him how she felt, how grateful she was for how happy he made her? Tom put his script down and wrapped his arms around her knees.

‘This present thing won’t be hard. I usually get Mum something lovely from Garrard’s or Tiffany. And the girls love perfume and stuff like that. I’m free on Wednesday, we can go shopping together!’

Two days later, they dressed warmly and set off for Mayfair. Tom seemed to have an instinct for the task, and they were soon weighed down with bags containing jewellery for his mother, leather goods for his sisters and the gifts she had planned for Tilly and John. They had settled on a beautiful Japanese teapot for Rob and Phil. While they paused for coffee and a cake, Ellie pondered for the umpteenth time the problem of her gift for him. Finishing the crumbs on his plate, Tom put down his fork.

‘I need to go off on my own for a bit.’

He was winking at her. He obviously had plans for _her_ gift. Oh dear.

‘OK. Me too.’

They finished their drinks and went their separate ways, Ellie heading for Bond Street and eventually finding her way into the Burlington Arcade. She had been looking in so many shop windows her eyes had begun to glaze over, and then she saw the very thing. In the window of a tiny shop was the most beautiful fountain pen she had ever seen. The label said it was antique, and she knew immediately that Tom would love it. Buying it seemed to release something in her, because a few doors down she looked into an antiquarian bookseller’s and saw something else she knew would be ideal, a lovely old edition of Robert Browning poems in a tooled leather cover. Ellie felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. After a happy few minutes in the bookshop she spotted a place selling sugared almonds in pretty packets and bought enough to pop one in everybody’s parcel as an extra treat.

Tom had noticed Ellie was preoccupied over coffee but assumed correctly it was present-related so didn’t say anything. He had his own agenda. Doubling back to the jewellers’, he asked for a private consultation with the shop manager who had helped them earlier. An hour later he was waiting for Ellie at the agreed spot, three small packets hidden in an inside pocket of his coat.

Ellie wanted to go to one more place. She needed a new dress for the party the next night, and she hoped Tom, with his impeccable taste, would help her.  She had always admired a particular shop in New Bond Street, and she persuaded him that they should go there and look. It was the sort of place she never bothered to go into before, mainly because she didn’t go to events she needed to dress up for apart from a few official functions.  As they went inside, Ellie was amused to see the saleswoman do a double-take when she saw Tom. She had a vague idea of what she wanted, but no more. This was her first experience of shopping in a place like this, and she was impressed by the way the woman helped her, guiding her towards first the right style, and then the right colour of dress.

Tom wasn’t as much help as Ellie had hoped. Every time she came out of the changing room in a dress he would gape at her, saying nothing until she prompted him. He thought she looked beautiful in anything (and nothing), and he found it difficult to judge between one stunning dress and another on her. In the end Ellie and the saleswoman settled on a black lace over silk number with a knee-length skirt and three-quarter sleeves. It puffed out at the waist, and the scooped neckline accentuated Ellie’s cleavage and showed off her neck and collarbones. It had come down to a choice between that or the same dress in dark green. When she stepped into the shop in it Tom stood up.

‘Wow!’

Ellie blushed. She did a twirl, and looking at him shyly.

‘Do I look OK?’

‘No, you don’t. You look…amazing.’

He walked over and pulled her into an embrace. He couldn’t speak for a few moments, and then he whispered in her ear.

‘I’m going to be the envy of every man tomorrow.’


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flying visit to the University ends unpleasantly, and Ellie comes face to face with the harsher side of Tom's celebrity.

‘We’re going out on Monday night, by the way.’

Ellie looked up. They were having a quick breakfast before setting off for Shepperton. The last few studio scenes were being filmed and this morning Tom would be interrogating the murderer. Paul had asked Ellie to come along in case she was needed.

‘Oh yes? Where to?’

Tom took a swig of coffee.

‘’Every Christmas for years now I’ve taken the women in my life to the ballet or opera. Apart from last year, when I was in Coriolanus that is. You know, Mum, Sarah and Emma. And you now, of course.’

‘Really? Sounds lovely.’

‘And nowadays, I can afford to hire a box.’

Ellie took a swallow of coffee, trying to keep calm. She was nervous enough about Christmas.

_Eek! I’m going to meet them on MONDAY?_

‘You’ve kept this quiet. What are we seeing?’

‘Well I know you like opera…’

Tom nodded at the leaning tower of CDs in the corner.

‘…so it’s _La Traviata,_ at Covent Garden of course. _’_

Ellie was blown away. She had never been there, despite her love for opera. She went to The Coliseum to as many ENO productions as she could manage, but Covent Garden was a bit outside her budget, unless one stood, which she had considered but never actually done. Then she had another thought.

‘What am I going to wear?’

‘Taken care of.’

Tom was smiling broadly. He had guessed she would worry about that, so he had telephoned the shop and bought one of the other dresses Ellie had tried and liked. She was speechless when he told her it would be arriving on Saturday. How could a man be that thoughtful and considerate? How could he, Tom, the heartbreaker, the monster of her nightmares be _that_ man? She still struggled with the reality of him occasionally. Tom saw the conflict in her face. He wondered if he still had a way to go to earn her full trust.

The morning’s filming went well. Ellie watched from the back of the studio, still marvelling at how Tom could disappear into a different person when someone said ‘Action’. The director Paul was his usual efficient self, and they finished everything by lunchtime. Neither Tom nor Ellie was needed after lunch, so she decided she would pop into UCL to collect the post and then go home to get ready for the party. As she walked into the Medical Sciences building she noticed a woman staring at her from just inside the door. A few steps later she heard her name called and turned towards the sound. The same woman was running towards her and before Ellie could react, she felt a hand connect with her cheek at speed. She was so shocked by the suddenness of the attack Ellie didn’t move for a moment, but simply stood there, stunned.

‘Bitch.’

Ellie heard the sound of running feet and saw two of the security guards grabbing the woman as she backed away. Julie, one of the receptionists put her arms around Ellie’s shoulders and guided her to the seats against the wall.

‘It’s OK; Mary’s already called the police. She has been hanging around on and off for days. We were afraid she was looking for you.’

Ellie could hear the sound of a siren, and before long she was in Patrick’s office with two officers. The woman was already on her way to the station. Apparently she was known to the police, and had serious mental health problems.

‘Are you in any pain, Dr Lawson? Should we call an ambulance?’

Ellie rubbed her cheek. It felt hot, but it wasn’t too sore. There might be a bruise.

‘No need, this place is crawling with doctors. Anyway, I’m fine.’

_Not really._

‘She only slapped me. It was just the shock. ’

Ellie tried to process what had happened. The Dean of Medicine stood up and as he bent down he put his arm around her.

‘I’ll walk you home, my dear. Unless the police need anything more?’

He looked over to the two officers who exchanged glances. The younger woman spoke up.

‘No, that’s fine Professor. We will be in touch, but there might not be a court case. The woman might simply be sectioned. She is very unwell.’

Ellie sighed with relief. She wanted to forget about it as quickly as possible. If there were no follow-up, she might be able to avoid telling Tom about it at all. He would be devastated. She allowed Patrick to accompany her home, and she tried respond positively to his enthusiasm about the party later. The short walk in the fresh air had made her feel better, but when she got indoors she saw with dismay that there was a clear reddish palm print on her cheek. She wasn’t going to be able to hide it from Tom. He arrived a couple of hours later in his favourite dark blue suit. Seeing her appearance he pulled her into his arms and looked at her intently.

‘What on earth has happened, darling?’

Ellie had been practicing what she would say, had a form of words ready and had planned to brush it off as minor, but now he was there, she found herself on the verge of tears.

‘Some woman, a mental patient…’

She broke down, sobbing. Tom held her tightly to him and gently guided her to the sofa. He decided to ask yes or no questions so she didn’t have to speak.

‘Did this happen at UCL?’

Ellie nodded.

‘Did the police come? Did they arrest her?’

Another nod. He took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but he asked his next question anyway.

‘Was it because of you and me?’

Ellie shrugged. It wasn’t that black-and-white. She felt able to speak now.

‘The woman is really unwell. The police think she’ll be sectioned. But yes, she had lots of clippings about us in her pockets and her bag.’

‘Are you alright? Did she hurt you much?’

‘No, it was just a slap. It looks worse than it feels. It was more the unexpected nature of it. I’m fine, just a little weepy. Shock, you know.’

‘We don’t have to go tonight if you aren’t up to it. They’ll understand.’

‘No. I want to go. I want to show you off.’

It was true, she did want to, and she felt stronger now he was there with her.  Ellie roused herself from the seat and went to the bathroom to get ready. Looking at the mark, which was already fading a little, she decided she should be able cover it mostly with make-up. And besides, she had spent a lot of money on that new dress!


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Med School Christmas party has yet another surprise in store, and shows Ellie a side of Tom she hadn't seen before.

A couple of hours later they set off for the hotel on Russell Square where the Medical School Staff Christmas Party was taking place. It was only a five-minute walk, and as it was dry Tom had agreed to go on foot. Ellie noticed he was holding her hand firmly and keeping a weather eye on passers-by. As they were rounding the corner nearest the hotel, she spotted a few paparazzi stationed by the entrance.

_Of course, they would guess I would be here with Tom, and the party isn’t a secret, even if it is invitation-only._

Tom stiffened. He was still recovering from hearing about what had happened earlier, and the sight of the photographers angered him. As they neared the door, he pulled Ellie closer to him and rushed them both up the steps, refusing to pose for or speak to anyone. Several of the men shouted questions to Ellie about the attack, which only enraged Tom more. As they emerged into the foyer, he growled.

‘Why can’t they leave us alone for once? This has nothing to do with a film, or anything I’m doing!’

Ellie rubbed his arm, trying to calm him.

‘It’s alright, darling. It goes with the territory. I’ve known that from the start.’

_But is getting attacked part of that?_

‘I’d just like a night out without it for once.’

‘Me too, and we have had a few, remember? Anyway, we’re inside now, let’s enjoy ourselves.’

And enjoy themselves they did. Ellie loved introducing Tom to her colleagues. The women were charmed, naturally, and she was delighted to see that the men mostly were too. The professor of pharmacology knew Tom’s father, which was an unexpected bonus. The food was nice enough, standard up-market-buffet-style, and the jazz quartet played quietly while everyone ate, drank and mingled. Suddenly Ellie thought she saw a familiar face. A face from her past.

_Is that Duncan? It can’t be, can it?_

But it was. On the arm of a woman Ellie vaguely recognised as one of the GP trainers, there was her ex.  She had no idea he was in London. Then she spotted Tilly and John heading towards them.

‘Ellie! Are you alright? Wow, that dress!’

Tilly examined her closely. Ellie saw John and Tom shaking hands out of the corner of her eye, and after a hug and kisses from Tilly, they swapped.

‘Good to see you again, Tilly.’

Tom hugged her warmly. Tilly was surprised. She had expected a degree of hostility.

‘Well, I’m sorry about what happened…’              

‘No need. All in the past now.’

He leaned closer and spoke quietly into her ear.

‘Thanks for looking after her.’

Tilly felt her eyes tearing up, and she coughed to clear the lump from her throat. She had been very anxious about this moment. Not only had she anticipated that Tom might be angry with her, she had been feeling a little jealous of him. After so many years as close friends, she had missed Ellie terribly in recent weeks. She was afraid she was losing her, but this gesture from Tom gave her hope.

Ellie had been watching this exchange and although she hadn’t heard Tom’s whisper she was moved by Tilly’s reaction. She took her friend by the arm and they walked towards an empty table.

‘Did you know Duncan was going to be here?’

‘No. I’ve been asking around and apparently they’re married. He’s a GP as well.’

‘What a day I’m having!’

Ellie flopped down into a chair and Tom slid into the one next to her.

‘What is it darling?’

‘My ex. He’s over there, with his wife.’

Tom looked in the direction she indicated, frowning slightly. He didn’t like the man on principle. Eight years earlier he had made Ellie feel so awful about herself that she had contemplated suicide. She had turned down Duncan’s marriage proposal because although she was very fond of him, she knew she could never love him in the way he needed her to. Her heart belonged to another already. Tom bristled slightly and pulling his waistcoat down he looked back at Ellie.

‘It must be uncomfortable, seeing him again after all this time. We can leave if you prefer.’

‘No, its fine. You are here with me. I know I did the right thing for his sake as well as mine, and I expect he sees that now. He looks happy. It’s weird though; after all these years I meet you again and then he shows up in quick succession.’

She shook her head. It was a lot to take in, following so soon after the attack. She glanced over and was alarmed to see Duncan and his wife were walking in her direction. He was smiling broadly, so she went with the flow and stood to greet them.

‘Ellie! I was hoping I’d see you tonight! How the hell are you?’

He hugged her a little too tightly for comfort. Ellie saw his wife wince slightly, but then Tom stepped in and shook her hand, introducing himself. Duncan turned, pulling himself up to his full height, just shy of Tom’s.

‘So you must be the Tom Ellie used to cry about so much. The one who broke her heart.’ There was undisguised hostility in his voice.

Tom laughed lightly and shook the man’s hand. He fixed him with his most benign look and carefully considered his response. ‘Yes, that’s right. But we both know now that it was all a misunderstanding.’ He held Duncan’s gaze, daring him to say anything else. He hoped he was conveying that he knew exactly how Duncan had behaved as well.

Ellie watched all this with bemusement. She had never seen either of these two behave in such an outwardly macho way before. Duncan was always so gentle and kind, and Tom, well, he was Tom. The two men kept glaring at each other warily for a few more moments, until it occurred to Duncan to introduce his wife to Ellie. She had been standing at his side shifting uncomfortably. After a few more pleasantries were exchanged, the couple returned to their own table, but not before Duncan had made Ellie promise him one dance. She wasn’t sure that was a good idea, especially when she saw the look on Tom’s face, but it had seemed like the only way to get rid of him.

Later, after the speeches, the dance floor was cleared. Ellie was reluctant, but Tom wasn’t taking no for an answer. He wanted everyone there to see how beautiful she looked and how much he loved her. He held her closely and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Once or twice he told her what he had planned for later and she almost lost her footing. He could still make the ground fall away from her feet. After the second dance John tapped him on the shoulder and they swapped partners. Tilly grinned at the jealous looks she was getting. Tom smiled broadly.

‘I meant it, you know. I can’t thank you enough for being there for Ellie through the years.’

‘Well, I love her. Just you make sure you don’t hurt her again.’

She was looking into his eyes, a serious expression on her face. Tom returned her gaze. He leaned in and spoke into her ear.

‘I have no intention of doing so. We are good together. She is the one I’ve been looking for, but keep that to yourself. We haven’t really talked about this yet.’

Tilly felt her heart swell. She hoped she knew what he meant by that, but in any case, she was full of happiness for her friend.

‘You know it’s her birthday on the first of next month?’

‘No? She hasn’t mentioned it.’

‘She hasn’t celebrated it for years, not since her parents, you know… but this year…’

‘New Year’s Day…’

Tom looked as if an idea was forming in his mind. Tilly felt a vibration against her side. It was Tom’s phone.

‘Sorry.’

He pulled it out.

‘It’s my mother. I’d better take it.’

Tilly released her hold on his shoulders and he walked towards the door. When he got into the lobby he swiped the screen.

‘Thomas? Is everything OK? I’ve just heard what happened to Eleanor. Sarah rang me.’

‘Yes Mum, I think so. She seems alright this evening. But I’ll be keeping a much closer eye on her from now on.’

‘Oh good. Are you at a party? I can hear music.’

‘Yes, it’s her work do. Nice people. One of them knows Dad, actually.’

‘Lovely. Well, I’ll let you get back to her. See you on Monday, darling.’

Tom put his phone away, but was not pleased to see Ellie in Duncan’s arms when he re-entered the room. He sat at their table watching them dancing for a few minutes, then he couldn’t stand it any longer. He stood up, walked over and cut in.  Ellie was happy to allow it; she had been uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going with her ex. He had been quizzing her on how Tom was treating her, and seemed to imply that she couldn’t trust him. When Tom swept her into his arms she felt better immediately, and when he kissed her cheek she felt a blush rising up from her feet. It was an innocent enough kiss, but it was in public and it made her feel things that weren’t at all chaste.

Ellie checked the time a little later, and then indicated to Tom they should be leaving. He had to film his final scene in the morning, and she had plans for him before that. They said their goodbyes and slipped out. A handful of the paps were still outside, and Tom had calmed down enough to pose briefly with Ellie. He was glad to show her off; she looked stunning in her dress and he hoped that more pictures of them as a couple might get the message through to his less rational fans. He was off the market.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filming comes to an end with a party, and there's a magical night at the opera

_Back on the hillside, Ellie strained to see the shadowy presence above her. The sky still threatened and she shuddered. Tight arms were still around her. Why did she feel so afraid?_

Friday marked the last day of filming on ‘ _Superbug’_. Ellie went along to the set with Tom, just to say goodbye to the crew. Until someone mentioned it, she hadn’t realised there was a wrap party the next evening. Tom had been keeping things from her a lot lately. What was he up to? The dress he had bought, the surprises, it all bothered her. They left Shepperton and headed to Wembley where he said he had something to collect. They called at a factory unit on a commercial estate and Ellie stayed in the car with the driver while he went inside. Tom emerged a few minutes later carrying a large box, followed by a man carrying another identical one. The driver leapt out and opened the boot.

‘What on earth is in there?’

Ellie was intrigued.

‘T-shirts. Here.’

Tom pulled one out of his coat pocket. It read ‘ _I survived Hurricane Paul’_.

‘I ordered them for tomorrow night. I thought they would be appropriate.’

Ellie laughed. Yes, the director was a force of nature. She was looking forward to the party. It would be a quite different affair from last night, she suspected, and in any case, Rob and Phil would be there. She adored those guys.

They went back to her flat, where she picked up her things. They were going to be at Tom’s place from now on until they left for Suffolk. Ellie just had to go into her lab one more time to check everything was put to bed for the holidays. Tom was anxious about it, not surprisingly. He drove her to UCL and came in with her. All seemed OK. Ellie collected her post and checked her office, before taking Tom over to the lab where her research took place. He was impressed. Much more hi-tech than the one in the film, it was large and full of people looking into microscopes or fiddling with Petrie dishes. Ellie knocked a pen on a bench and cleared her throat.

‘Hi everyone. I’m sorry you’ve been left to cope for all this term, basically, but I can see that you haven’t missed me at all.’

There was a grumble of disagreement.

‘Anyway, I’ll be back in January, so if there is anything you don’t want me to see, you’ve got the rest of the day to hide it! Have a good break and I’ll see you all in the new year.’

She blew a kiss to the room and it was returned by most of the occupants. Tom noticed one young man glaring at him.

_Must have a crush on Ellie. Well, I can’t blame him._

Saturday’s party was tremendous fun. Movie people really know how to enjoy themselves, and Ellie felt at home with her new friends. There was much exchanging of numbers and promises to meet up again soon, and then Phil asked her if they would be at Ben’s New Year’s do.

‘Ben?’

‘Cumbers, dear. You must have been invited, he’s Hiddles’ mate.’

Ellie looked round for Tom. He was at the bar talking to Denis Lawson. He hadn’t mentioned it, but that seemed to be par for the course.

‘I don’t know, actually. I expect so.’

When Tom returned to her side she button-holed him.

‘Have we been invited to a New Year’s Eve party?’

‘At Ben’s? Yes.’

He sipped his drink calmly. Ellie, however, was far from calm. She was getting annoyed. Then a more alarming thought occurred to her: had he not mentioned it in order to keep his options open?

‘Why haven’t you told me? I’m not a child, and I might have had different plans.’

Tom looked sheepish. He had been holding back so as not to alarm her. There was so much happening over the festive season he had decided on a policy of drip-feeding her information. It was obviously not the right one, he realised.

‘I’m sorry darling. I didn’t want to overwhelm you. Yes, I’d love us to go but if you’d rather not…’

‘Don’t be daft. Benedict Cumberbatch? Are you kidding? Of course I want to go!’

He grinned. It was lovely to see the excitement back in her eyes.

‘Now, any more surprises?’

He smiled slyly.

‘Nothing you need to know. I promise only really nice, necessary ones from now on.’

They spent Sunday mostly in bed or on the sofa. They were both at liberty now, nothing to worry about until after the festive period, and they relished the freedom.  In the afternoon Ellie sat at the table and opened the ‘fan mail’ she had collected on Friday. There were Christmas cards and presents, some addressed to them both, most just to Tom. A faction of fans seemed to view her as a useful conduit to him, nothing more. It was irritating, but preferable to the hostile stuff. She had learned to recognise it and it went straight in the bin. Ellie didn’t feel really threatened by it, but the attack had left her feeling more uneasy.

Tom looked up from his phone.

‘Mum’s at Emma’s, ready for tomorrow. Says she can’t wait to meet you.’

Ellie felt the butterflies fluttering. She wanted to make the right impression. She knew how important Tom’s mother and sisters were in his life, and she was a bit star struck by Diana. She knew Benjamin Britten and Peter Pears, personally! And Richter, all those guys… And Rostropovich, whom Ellie had once stood behind in the queue at the chip shop in Aldeburgh… Only there could you have lined up for your lunch with one of the world’s great cellists. Not to mention all the other great musicians who had taken part in the Festival. She suddenly felt she knew nothing about music and would make a fool of herself.

Tom looked at Ellie. ‘She is going to love you.’ She was chewing her lip, obviously worried. He stood up and walked over, squatted down next to her and took her hands in his. He brought them to his lips. ‘I know she will, because I do. Love you, that is.’

Ellie stared at him. It was the first time he had actually said the words. She had known he liked her, that much was obvious, but he had seemed to avoid saying the actual words, until now. She couldn’t speak for a moment and a single tear made its way down her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Ellie leaned down and kissed him on the lips. She looked into those beautiful eyes.

‘Well Tom, you already know I have loved you for a long time.’

‘And that hasn’t changed, now you _really_ know me?’

‘Of course not, silly. I love you more than ever.’

Ellie went to sleep that night thinking about those special words. Maybe she could trust him to stay in her life.

The following day she prepared slowly for the trip to the Opera House. She applied her make-up carefully, swept her shoulder-length hair into a clip and then stepped into the dress Tom had bought for her. It was made of burgundy taffeta and shimmered in the lights of the bedroom.

_I must tell him to stop spending money on me. It’s not necessary and with these surprises it’s getting weird._

She had to call him to help her with the zip and when he came into the bedroom he stopped in his tracks.

‘Oh my god, you look stunning! Take it off immediately!’

‘Pack it in, you! Help me do it up. I can’t meet your Mum and sisters having just had sex with you. I’d die.’

He sniggered. He thought it was a marvellous idea, but there wasn’t really time. Shame.

They met Diana, Emma and Sarah on the landing outside their box. They were, as Tom had predicted, enchanted. Just seeing how he was with Ellie was enough. They all adored him, he adored her, and so there wasn’t any doubt. Diana took Ellie by the arm and made sure they were sitting next to each other. She could see that this woman was different, special to Tom, and she was determined to make her feel welcome. She asked Ellie a few questions about her family, and they were soon chatting about music. Ellie’s concerns about being inadequate were unfounded. Her knowledge was sound, and her enthusiasm made up for any gaps. Diana found herself thinking it would be lovely to have someone to listen to CDs and go to concerts with, someone who was really keen.

The opera was wonderful. From their vantage-point, Ellie could see the conductor and many of the musicians, as well as having a great view of the stage. She had enjoyed her experiences at the ENO, but to be this close was thrilling. When her favourite aria, ‘ _Ah fors_ _èlui che l’anima’_ began she couldn’t hold back the tears. The sentiment was too close for comfort. Violetta is asking herself if she can really allow herself to be loved, if she has a real chance at happiness. Diana noticed Ellie getting emotional and squeezed her hand.

Tom was as happy as he could ever remember being. All the women he cared about most, in one place, all getting along and enjoying themselves. He hugged himself with the sheer delight of it. His sister Sarah caught his eye and winked. She knew him better than anyone and she could read him like a book. This woman, it seemed, was the one for her little brother. At last.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's father proves less daunting than feared, and a walk on Aldeburgh beach becomes a chance for Tom to hear the rest of Ellie's story.

 Ellie had one more hurdle to get over before Christmas. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and they were on her way to meet Tom’s father. She was as excited about it as she was apprehensive. James Hiddleston was something of a legend in his field. He had set up a company which developed some of the earliest of the new ways of designing drugs. They looked at the problem from the molecular level, designing proteins and drugs from the base up. This was cutting-edge stuff in 1989. It wasn’t exactly within her area of expertise, but Ellie was well aware of the benefits his work had brought to pharmacology and thus to medicine.

Tom scratched his chin, feeling the burgeoning beard. He was growing it for Ellie, as she had expressed her admiration for his Henry V look. He was a little tense; he had introduced a couple of girlfriends to James before, and he hadn’t been impressed. He had high hopes it would be different for Ellie – she was a scientist and a good one at that – but his Dad could be rather exacting. They were driving up the M40, and as they got nearer to Oxford, the more nervous he became. Ellie noticed his anxiety, and caressed his thigh. He put his hand on hers and squeezed it. Not too long after, they were pulling into the drive of Tom’s childhood home.

They needn’t have worried. Tom had told James enough about Ellie for him to check her out with his friends and he was looking forward to meeting her. He was opening the front door as they got out of the car.

‘Dr Lawson, wonderful to meet you. Thomas. Come in, come in.’

After shaking her hand and slapping Tom on the back, he ushered them into the sitting room and fetched a tray from the kitchen. Once the tea was poured and mince pies distributed, James began to interrogate Ellie about her research. She relaxed immediately; this was her comfort zone. They began to talk through her latest work, which was on mutation in staphylococcus. They were trying to find a way to prevent illnesses caused by these bacteria. Most of the time they lived happily on people, doing no harm, but sometimes they caused devastating infections. Things got very technical very quickly, and Tom found himself sipping his tea and listening to two people he loved engrossed in one another while speaking in what was, to him, a foreign language. He thought it was marvellous.

They were expected at Diana’s in time for dinner, so they had to say goodbye to James after a couple of hours. After Tom had shut Ellie’s door for her, his father pulled him aside and spoke to him quietly, so she couldn’t hear.

‘Don’t let this one slip away, Thomas.’

‘I made that mistake once already, at Cambridge. Won’t be doing it again, Dad!’

He was grinning broadly as he got into the driving seat.

‘What?’

Ellie was looking at him quizzically. He started to giggle as he drove up the road, and it was so infectious she joined in, even though she didn’t understand the joke.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing really, it’s just Dad. He can be a bit prickly and he doesn’t usually approve of my girlfriends. It was so wonderful watching you two together. I was a bit worried, but looks like you’ve won him over.’

‘You think so?’

Tom nodded vigorously. Ellie let out a long breath.

_Phew! This parent thing is stressful…_

Ellie looked up at the road sign as they pulled onto the dual carriageway. ‘East Anglia’. Her stomach did a little flip. She hadn’t been back to Suffolk for years. Born and bred there, she had left Ipswich when she went to Cambridge and only returned for short periods after that. She spent her first few university holidays with aunts and friends of her parents’, or in Europe working. After that, there were no real breaks as her medical studies included hospital placements. She had visited once or twice in the past ten years, not Ipswich itself but up the coast near to where they were heading now. She was pleased to returning; it felt to her like she was going home at last. The thought brought her up sharp.

‘Huh!’

Tom looked at her, his eyebrows raised.

‘What?’

‘I just realised I’m not at all nervous about the next few days. I’ve been worrying about Christmas ever since you told me we were going to your Mum’s, but now I’m totally relaxed about it.’

He reached across and took her hand. He felt his heart beating faster; everything was coming together perfectly. They could put the last fourteen years behind them for good.

‘So you should be. We’re going to have a wonderful time.’

It was dark by the time they drew up outside Tom’s mother’s house. It was getting really cold so they hurried indoors when Diana appeared on the doorstep. After introducing her to the two Jack Russell terriers that were running and jumping between everyone’s feet, she showed Ellie into a cosy sitting room currently dominated by a roaring fire and an enormous Christmas tree. Tom carried their bags in and then joined them. He embraced his mother and then put his arms around Ellie, kissing the top of her head. He was irrepressibly happy, seeing her there, with his Mum, looking as if she belonged.

‘Emma will be back soon, she’s just popped over to see Martha. One of her old school friends.’

Diana added this for Ellie’s benefit.

‘The others will be arriving tomorrow afternoon. So, do you want to go and get settled in your room, and then come down for aperitifs?’

Tom looked at his mother. He hoped she had been sensible this time. Once before, when he brought a girl to stay – the only previous time he had done so – she had put them in separate rooms. His mother was looking back at him, a little impatience in her expression.

‘You know the way, Thomas.’

He lifted up the big bags, Ellie gathered up the rest, and followed him up the stairs and into what was obviously his old bedroom. There were a few framed photographs on the walls and various surfaces, childhood pictures of his sisters and old pictures of him, some with his parents. Diana had put a flower arrangement on the dressing table. She intended them to share the room. Tom sighed with relief as he dropped the bags on the bed.

‘Thank goodness for that. I was slightly afraid she was going to put you in the spare room.’

‘That would have put a bit of a dampener on things!’

The next morning was cold but bright and clear. Tom suggested they drive into Aldeburgh, and Ellie agreed happily. She loved the town and was itching to see the North Sea again. They parked up in the High street and wandered along the front until they passed the lifeboat station and reached the Moot Hall, then stepped onto the shingle beach past the fishing huts and boats. Nearing the water’s edge, they turned and looked back at the higgledy-piggledy skyline of the town. It was a sight Ellie associated with her Mum, who had loved to go there. She squeezed Tom’s hand, fighting back the tears. She had tried not to think about her parents too much over the years, it was painful and she had enough pain in her life. But every now and then, something would remind her anyway. And now she was in a good place, it was harder to suppress the grief, especially as she was back in Suffolk.

‘Is everything OK darling?’

Tom was worried. Ellie looked so sad.

‘Yes, it’s just that this place makes me think about Mum and Dad. And being here with you, at your Mum’s, it all makes me miss them so much more.’

He pulled her close to him, lifting her chin and wiping her tears away gently, he kissed her softly on the lips.

‘Let’s walk along a bit, shall we?’

Further north, just beyond the edge of the town, close to Maggie Hambling’s striking memorial to Britten, they sat on a ridge of shingle and Ellie told Tom about her parent’s deaths. He had known from their Cambridge days that she was an orphan, but she had never told him the details.

‘Well Dad was a typical man. Mum was the ill one, he never went to the doctors, and when he was unwell he just carried on. It seems he had a slight stroke, which he thought was a bad migraine, because he collapsed and died at school one day from an embolism on the lung. They had to do a post mortem and found a small clot in his brain. He probably had high blood pressure, but because he never went to see the GP…’

She paused, looking at Tom. He had his arm around her shoulders and was looking out to sea. The grey breakers crashed onto the stones, a soothing counterpoint to her story.

‘How old was he?’

‘Forty-two.’

Tom gasped.

‘Mum was always the ill one. She had bad asthma, and she must have had a really bad attack one day when I was at school. This was two years after Dad died.  She rang the surgery and spoke to our neighbour who was one of the receptionists, asking her to bring a prescription home for her as her inhaler was running low. Anyway, it must have got much worse, because when I got home I found her on the floor in the dining room. She was already dead. I had been home about five minutes when Elaine knocked on the door. Thank god she did because I had no idea what to do.’

‘You found her? Oh my god, Ellie! How old were you?’

‘Fifteen.’

Now it was Tom’s turn to fight back the tears. What a horrific thing to have happened. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and keep her safe for ever. He kissed the side of her head, pulling her closer to him.

‘That was what made me want to be a doctor. Before that I had vague plans about teaching like them, but I decided that I would learn how to look after people. That was the teenage idea anyway. But as I did my A-Levels I began to realise that medical research was my most likely destination.’

Tom felt terrible. She had survived that and what had he done just a few years after? Come along and added to her misery.  Not for the first time, he felt a wave of guilt and self-loathing wash over him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to look at her, holding her face gently between his hands.

‘I wish I could make that better for you, Ellie, but I promise that I will do everything I can to keep you safe and happy from now on. No one should have to put up with what you have been through, and I wish with all my heart that I hadn’t been a part of your unhappiness.’

Ellie put a finger on his lips.

‘Shhh. I don’t blame you for that, not any more. I know it wasn’t your fault. And we are together now, that’s what really matters. My only real regret is that Mum and Dad will never know you, or your family. But that’s all.’

She lifted her face to his and they stayed there kissing for several minutes. It was only when a dog walker coughed loudly as he passed that it dawned on them they were in public. They stood up and walked back towards the town. They had an errand to run for Diana, something to collect from the butchers’ shop. When they stepped in the man behind the counter greeted Tom warmly.

‘Merry Christmas Mr Hiddleston! Lovely to see you! And is this your young lady?’

‘Yes Bill, this is Ellie, my young lady.’

Tom had never grinned more widely, and Ellie couldn’t help joining him. To coin a phrase her Dad had often used, he looked like a dog with two tails. The tears of a few minutes before had gone, for them both. The butcher went into the cold store to collect the last part of Diana’s Christmas order: some sausage meat, chipolatas and bacon. They bid Bill goodbye and went back to the car. Within the hour they were back at the house enjoying a warming lunch of soup and homemade bread. Afterwards, Ellie helped Diana clear the table while Tom and Emma started on the dishes.

‘I expect Tom has told you that I play the organ at the church, so I’ll be out late tonight. I know you aren’t a believer, so don’t feel you have to come.’

‘I would prefer not to, if you really don’t mind. But I’d love to hear you play sometime.’

Diana stopped what she was doing and took Ellie by the hand, leading her into an adjoining room where a baby grand piano sat by a set of French windows. She sat down and began to play the melody of the aria from _La Traviata_ that had moved Ellie so much a few nights before.

‘You _do_ deserve his love, Ellie. And he deserves yours.’

Diana was looking out of the window, still playing. She didn’t trust herself to look at Ellie while she spoke, but she felt she had to tell her.

‘I saw how this made you cry, and I think I know why. I know that Tom worries about you and how you feel after all that has happened between you. But you don’t need to worry about how _he_ feels. It’s so obvious to us.’

Ellie burst into tears, and Diana stood up and put her arms round her. Neither of them could speak, but it didn’t matter.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas, New Year, and her birthday: could it get any more perfect?

Christmas 2014 was the happiest Ellie could remember. She had good memories of the ones she spent with her parents, but there was only ever the three of them. The Hiddlestons’ home, by contrast, seemed to be full of people. Apart from Diana, Tom and Ellie, Sarah, her husband, their little girl and Emma, several friends came over for dinner on Christmas Eve and more were expected for lunch on the big day. Christmas morning started off a little awkwardly for Ellie. Diana had filled stockings for everyone to open in bed, and she knocked on the door at rather an unfortunate moment.  But she didn’t seem to notice their embarrassment, or if she did she was too polite to show it. After breakfast they followed the long- standing family tradition of a walk around the lanes, so as to at least earn part of the enormous meal to come. The weather was as lovely as the day before and on their return, Diana made them all pose for photographs in the sunny garden before the exchanging of gifts began. 

Everyone seemed thrilled with what they had received and Ellie was moved by the thoughtful choices Diana, Sarah and Emma had made when selecting things for her. She looked at her haul: a stunning Missoni scarf, some beautiful make-up and a voucher for an up-market London spa day.  Shyly, she handed Tom his two packages. As she had hoped, he adored them. Then it was time for him to give her what he had chosen. She caught Emma’s eye as he handed her the first of two small, beautifully wrapped parcels. She winked and smiled. Ellie’s heart was beating quickly. She started to open the first of them. If they were that small…

‘Oh my god!’

The Tiffany box contained the prettiest rose gold and diamond earrings she had ever seen. They were perfect. Its companion contained a matching pendant. Tom was looking at her warily. Was it too much? They were sitting on their haunches on the rug by the fire and she leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth, in front of everybody. Ellie didn’t care; after everything that had happened and all that had been said over the past few days, this was the icing on the cake. They broke the kiss when they became aware that the others were clapping and cheering. Ellie blushed to her roots.

‘Sorry, got a bit carried away.’

‘Perfectly understandable my dear. Now, who’s going to help me finish cooking lunch?’

 

Tom and Ellie returned to London on the 27thDecember. He had a few meetings to go to and a magazine interview, as well as some stuff to go through with Luke. Ellie popped back to her flat to check on things. She looked around. It seemed so tiny compared to Diana’s house and even Tom’s place, but she couldn’t give it up. It was ideal for work and it was hers. She had never had a place that was her own before this one. When her mother had died she was taken in by a family friend who had been nominated as her legal guardian. Margaret was a colleague of her father’s and a kind lady, but she was a spinster and didn’t cope well with the arrival of a grieving teenage girl in her life. They maintained a truce until Ellie left for Cambridge but they were never really close and her house was not somewhere Ellie thought of as home.

Ellie sat on her sofa and wondered how things would work once she resumed her career. Would Tom still come and stay most nights until he left for America, or would he expect her to go to his? She would be out all day and busy in the evenings as well. They hadn’t really talked about what would happen, and the uncertainty was starting to really bother her. Happily, the bad dream had stopped coming, but she still couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling that everything would change after New Year. And not for the better.

But before that there would be The Party. Ellie was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She had her black silk dress dry-cleaned in preparation, she dithered and then decided that yes, she would wear her new jewellery. She was going to meet BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH! And MARTIN FREEMAN! And MARK GATISS!!! Tom was amused to see how star struck she was, although everyone soon put her at her ease. Tom’s friends were as keen to meet this woman who had changed his life as she was to meet them. Considering how famous just about everyone was, it was a pretty normal affair. The drinks were served by a barman and there were professional caterers, but those were the only concessions to celebrity as far as Ellie could see. Otherwise, it was just a very enjoyable New Year’s party.

The countdown to midnight was led by Mark, who found a chair to stand on. They had opened the windows so that the actual chimes of Big Ben could be heard, and there was much kissing and clinking of glasses as the hour turned. Rob and Phil both made sure they got kisses from both Ellie and Tom. A few minutes later, Tom appeared at Ellie’s side with their coats and led her out onto the terrace of Benedict’s tiny garden.

‘Happy Birthday, darling.’

‘How did..? Tilly!’

Tom grinned.

‘You didn’t think you could get away with that did you?’

Ellie shrugged. She had almost forgotten about it. Tom was guiding her towards a garden bench under the sitting room window. The sounds of merry-making from inside were mingling with those from the surrounding houses. There were fairy lights in the trees next to the terrace. It was almost magical. Ellie sat down, but instead of joining her, Tom went down on one knee in front of her. She felt that familiar feeling; the ground was falling away again, and it wasn’t just the fault of the champagne she had drunk.

‘I think I need the help of a certain William for this.’

‘Tom…’

‘Please, wait, let me finish. A long time ago we both made terrible mistakes, on the same night. I hope I have proved to you that we can put them behind us and move forward. Together. We have wasted enough time already.’

‘Yes, Tom, but…’

‘Ssshh. ‘He gently pressed a finger to her lips. She looked at that beautiful face and knew she would never tire of it.

‘Ellie, my love, you are everything I need. As the great man once wrote: “I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.”‘

He took her hands in his and she noticed he was holding something. She looked down and saw it was a ring, the perfect match to the Christmas gifts she was already wearing. Ellie felt as if her heart would burst. How did he do it? Whenever she began to feel anxious or have doubts, there he was confounding her worries and sweeping her off her feet once more. She guessed what was coming, and tension crackled between them. Tom cleared his throat.

‘Please, Ellie, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’

 

_‘True love will triumph in the end – which may or may not be a lie, but if it is a lie, then it’s the most beautiful lie we have.’ **John Green**_


End file.
